The 10 Previously Unwritten Rules of Facebook

If there is one thing quarantine has taught me, it’s that a lot of you need help becoming better at Facebook. I mean a lot of you…. Practically all of you. This is important to me guys! I use Facebook as a form of escapism, I don’t need my feed weighing me down every time I login. Before too long I will have unfollowed so many people my feed will just be a mix of memes and Ben Shapiro posts and gaming news and it will have become a worse version of Reddit. Feel free to disagree with the rules that I am laying down, just know that I probably have already unfollowed you and you entitled to your wrong opinion. (I’m kidding)

  1. Share no more than 2 political articles a day. This is hard limit, no exceptions. These 2 posts have to be about separate topics as well. No one is checking the SECOND link you shared about Joe Biden. We get it, he’s creepy. If you want to express your political opinion I much more invested if you use your own words to formulate a thought. Filling my feed with articles with stuff (EVEN THAT I NORMALLY MOSTLY AGREE WITH) is a surefire to make me wonder how I could take an opposite stance. Ask yourself, has someone sharing something on Facebook made me genuinely change my mind in the history of time? It is entirely possible, there has been ZERO times in my life someone shared something I disagreed with an after seeing it, I had a change of heart. I imagine that is the case for a lot of people. Consider why you sharing what you are sharing.
  2. Get a grip on the economics of your sharing. You need to create a supply-and-demand structure with your Facebook. (Example: me not posting a gamenotes in 3 months) If you post 20 times a day, post 3 through 20 are being completely ignored. Let’s be honest there is no way YOU are reading 20 articles a day. We all know those Facebook Wizards who post about 6 times a year, and when they post, we ALL listen. Because they have created a brand that says “look at me, I only share the REAL good stuff”. Please note that I spend most of my time deleting all my Facebook memories of me sharing stuff that no one could possibly care about. “Work from 3 – 8 then Halo and possibly some homework.” Good Gracious I’m so sorry….
  3. Pictures and Videos of your kids is almost certainly OK to post just know we are all judging you for everything in the background of your photo as well. I get it, he looks great on that scooter but your dishes are a mess Alicia. Put the camera down and find some soap. Why do you even have the scooter inside?
  4. Being a single topic poster invalidates your opinion. If you only share pro-trump articles, I can’t possibly take your opinion as fair or balanced. If any of us are insane to think that one side of the aisle is getting this 100% correct I have some snake oil I am trying to sell.
  5. Speaking of trying to sell. Don’t.
  6. If you Go Live, you better make it count. My phone MAKES A NOISE to tell me that you are LIVE RIGHT NOW. I will stop what I am doing, and click that button, and you have 10 seconds to be showing me something interesting, or I will never click that button ever again.
  7. Remember the rule of “e-mail tone”. The worst fights I have ever gotten in with people have been over e-mail or text. I am much more likely to interpret your tone in the worst way possible over e-mail and text than I am in person. I’ve said stuff to people in email I would NEVER say face-to-face. This article probably sounds like I am yelling at everyone! (Mostly because I am.)
  8. Memes, you are allowed to post an infinite amount of them, I can never have too many memes on my page thank you so much meme-lords you are one of the few things that keeps me logging back in, I simply don’t know how you do it day in and day out.
  9. Your Story, that function of Facebook mostly didn’t pan out. Has a similar effect of Going Live but I am even more likely to never click on it. You guys are doing good on this one.
  10. The stupid math equations. Most of these are terrible. We get it, it was a pair of shoes on the first line and now it is just one shoe on the final line if you can’t figure it out at this point just stop guessing. If you yahoos forgot how to do PEMDAS then maybe we really do need common core.
  11. If you share an article because of the headline and don’t research the actual text you are part of the problem.
  12. Get your spelling and grammar right. (Kettle meet pot.)

I get it, we are all going a little crazy here. I am ready for it to be over too. Just, try to spread some love and positivity every now and then!

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