Pre-Season Gamenotes

GAMENOTES SEASON 3 IS HERE. IT’S GOING TO BE BETTER THAN STRANGER THINGS SEASON 3 AND HOLY ELLE (ITS A PUN MOM) WAS STRANGER THINGS AWESOME.

*WE SHOULD INVENT A SPORT, AND HAVE IT’S SEASON BE PLAYED EXCLUSIVELY FROM THE END OF NBA FREE AGENCY TO THE DAY BEFORE COLLEGE FOOTBALL. GOODNESS GRACIOUS I AM DESPERATE FOR SOME SPORTS. TOP STORY ON ESPN.COM IS FAN GET’S JUJU’S SIGNATURE TATTED ON HIS HEAD. HAVEN’T WE LEARNED ANYTHING!?!? NEVER GET A TAT OF SOMEONE’S NAME ON YO’ BODY? THAT IS BAD JUJU! I SUGGEST ROUNDNET (SPIKEBALL) PLAYED BY FAMOUS ATHLETES FROM OTHER SPORTS. I’LL TAKE PHELPS AND CURRY, WHO YOU GOT?

*JUST HEARD THE TIGERS HAVE ONLY THE 14TH BEST FARM SYSTEM IN THE MLB. SO WAIT WE ARE HISTORICALLY BAD AND THERE ARE TEAMS WHO HAVE BRIGHTER FUTURES? OH DON’T WORRY WE HAVE THE PISTO… WAIT, WE SIGNED ROSE!?!? WELL DON’T WORRY WE HAVE THE LIO… WELL THIS IS AWKWARD.

*IT HAS LEGITIMATELY BEEN A HORRIBLE DECADE TO BE A DETROIT/MICHIGAN FAN. IF IT WASN’T FOR JON BEILEIN I WOULD PROBABLY HAVE NOT ENJOYED SPORTS AT ALL.

*Coach B was a tremendous coach and losing him is probably the most painful coaching change I have ever been apart of. The man did it the right way, treated everyone with respect, loved his players, and loved his university. It was such a fun run, with a wide cast Stu Douglass to Jordan Poole, he made a variety of athletes very fun to watch, and a lot better at basketball. Good luck in Cleveland Coach, thanks for being a role model.

*SHOUTOUT TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPER INVESTED IN THE TIGERS GAME PLAYED ON WEDNESDAY AT NOON IN THE MIDDLE OF JULY WHEN THEY ARE 47 GAMES BEHIND IN THE DIVISION.

*IF ONLY TREVOR BAUER THREW THE BALL AT HOME PLATE AS HARD AS HE DID AT CENTER FIELD.

*FRANCONA HAS THE PERFECT DAD-BOD TO COME OUT TO THE MOUND AND TELL HIS SON HE IS DISAPPOINTED IN HIM EXCLUSIVELY THROUGH BODY LANGUAGE. I AM LEGITIMATELY SHOCKED GESTURES IS SPELLED WITH A G. IF YOUR YOU’RE NEW HERE, I AM NOT GOOD AT ENGLISH.

*BAUER WAS JUST MAD HIS TRADE VALUE WENT DOWN FROM A BAD OUTING AND MIGHT BE STUCK IN CLEVELAND EVEN ONE DAY LONGER. (DANGIT HE JUST GOT TRADED, I AM LEAVING IT IN THIS ONE WAS GOOD.)

*DOES IT NOT SOUND LIKE THIS MAN HAD THIS APOLOGY MEMORIZED SINCE HE WAS 16 AND WAS JUST READING OFF ALL THE “APOLOGY CLICHES”?

*WATER CHESTNUTS ARE ABSOLUTELY A WORTHLESS ADDITION TO YOUR DISH. TERRIBLE TEXTURE, ZERO FLAVOR, JUST STOP ADDING IT. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD SOMEONE SAY, “OH I JUST LOVE WATER CHESTNUTS.” IT’S A PRETENTIOUS INGREDIENT INVENTED TO TRICK YOU IN TO THINKING YOUR ADDING SOMETHING HEALTHY. IT’S EVEN A GROSS NAME, WATER CHESTNUT.

*WARRIORS, SHOULD BE CONSIDERED THE FAVORITE TO WIN IT ALL. YOU PEOPLE ARE SO DISRESPECTFUL. (ASSUMING KLAY GETS HEALTHY): THE CURRY, DLO, KLAY, DREY, LOONEY LINE-UP IS FILTHY!

MY PERSONAL NBA POWER RANK:
*1-WARRIORS, 2-CLIPPERS, 3-ROCKETS 4-SIXERS 5-LAKERS, 6-CELTICS, 7-DENVER, 8-PORTLAND, 9-BUCKS 10-JAZZ
EVERYONE ELSE- FO’GET ABOUT IT

*Popular to pick Michigan as a favorite to win the Big10. I wouldn’t, until we beat Ohio we shouldn’t have any reason to have confidence. Right now it’s just a never ending story. Urban left, and the program will suffer as a result, but it’s a long term suffer. They’ll be almost as good as they were last year and that bar is pretty high. I am of course, optimistic, but right now I am a battered shelter pet and I am not coming out of this cage until we beat the buckeyes.

*Roundnet (Spikeball) is the closest thing to a brand new sport I have ever been a part of. Which I kind of find fascinating, the idea of a new sport entering my life. It turns out I didn’t have any latent power inside me waiting to come out in. All my friends are just as good as I am (or better). Still waiting for that sport to be invented to fit my skill set perfectly.

*NEBRASKA CAN WIN THE BIG10 WHEN HELL FROSTS OVER. MISS ME WITH THAT. (SEE HIGH-SCHOOLERS?!? I’M STILL TRENDY)
“OH BUT MR. GAMENOTE SCOTT FROST HAD A 7 GAME WIN IMPROVEMENT HIS 2ND YEAR AT UCF”. SICK WINS OVER FIU, EAST CAROLINA, CINCINNATI, AUSTIN PEAY, SMU (BY 7), CONNECTICUT, TEMPLE. HALF THOSE TEAMS SPELL CHECK SAYS AREN’T EVEN REAL. CALL ME WHEN YOU BEAT A TEAM THAT HAS A PLAYER WHO WEIGHS MORE THAN 260lbs.

*Texas to win the Big12 because I’ve done zero research and I hate all those teams. But I hate texas a little less. Oh but I forgot about Herman. I’ll take the field vs OK and TEX.

*The Pac12 will start playing a noon EST game in order to get more eyes on their product. Yeah, that will certainly improve the quality… making those kids get up and play football at dawn. I know the energy in SoCal at 9a.m. on a Saturday is probably electric. Maybe some mall walkers will swing by the stadium. I can just see it now:
“CHALLENGE ISSUED. EPIC DUEL. ON THE GRIDIRON. AT THE COLISEUM. NINE A.M.”
“Surely you mean PM?”
“NOPE… A.M. … Dawn, the perfect setting for all things epic.” (You know, like when new movies come out they do that sunrise release?)

*Not a lot of content to write about in the sports world, but I need to be in peak form for College football. I am going to try and get two more done before the year starts. Bear with me as we get going here. It will get better when I start talking that mad Michigan smack.

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